Sunday, December 30, 2007


I am who I am. I don't believe in change. People all around me are willing to twist and shape themselves into so many different moulds. To hell with them.

I am confused. I am unsure about life and love. One moment I am dead certain of one thing. The next moment I am dead certain of the exact opposite. I remain unsure. Especially about life and love.

People who have hurt me by their actions and continue to do so are to be avoided, never forgiven. To forgive means to later run the risk of forgetting. And to forget means to expose oneself to the same danger again, which is foolish.

People who have given me a reason to live are to be remembered, cherished, and held on to. But are there really any such people...?

The past and the future are one in the present. Life is always the same beneath the apparent changes on the surface of it. Difficult, easy; enjoyable, detestable...


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Astrology for me

I would like to spill my guts here when everything is going wrong for me. As it is now. Maybe I should start an anonymous blog? No, I want to say it like it is, without fear. But still, the real issues facing us are often the most hidden. Which is why I would like to vent it out to someone. Or somewhere.

Maybe confessions had a point after all. Note: Stopped going to church years ago.

In the piscean age people hide the truth. In the aquarian age they openly express it. Or so I think. People are most certain about the things they have the least proof of, like astrology and religion. Still, astrology is the mother of all sciences and therefore a science to me. Besides, I use astrology every second. I don't mean the auspicious timing of events stuff. I see exactly how and why the world around me works the way it does. Using common sense. The truth is always the plainest thing to see. What astrology helps me with is, really, nothing so far, as far as I can see. Maybe revealed my strengths or made me believe in strengths I didn't actually possess...

Astrology proves itself. I see how different people are and how people who have birthdays close by resemble. I can expect a certain behaviour (underlying) to emerge and make itself evident over time for people with birthdays in each of the 36 10-day periods in a year. For e.g., I know what to expect from a person born between Jan 1 - Jan 10. Or for any other 10-day period. The magic of astrology reveals itself everyday. For some sun signs I can further divide the 10-day periods, depending on the number of people I have met who have birthdays there. I get better at astrology and how our world ultimately runs as a constant interaction between various astrological decan natives...

I realize that people are so varied you cannot really fathom them. It's a never-ending learning process. But sometimes I also feel people are all the same, heartless, spineless... Superficial. Not knowing the truth is excruciating pain for me. Seethe... Seethe... Seethe...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Me, manyheaded, mad

Greased and grainy, my soul
What I feel, I do not know
Pangs and longing
See in you, my belonging

Words and silence
Interwoven so one more than the other
What it means I thought I knew
No more so methinks

Rumbling ball of black guilt
Thundering down my past or future
Crush me, I say; end this pain
Come for me; consume, devour

Slice my heart, my throat
Speech sharp as razor
Native issue from native heart
Good too much evil become

Thoughts a fleeting
Many I comprehend, many a wasting
Equally sound, in own right and might
Me, manyheaded, mad

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I am going to rant.

There was your warning. I know that people are bad not because they choose to be but because of the way they have been forced to live by society. The very way of life that stops them from seeing society for what it is, what a much better life they were entitled to in the first place.

Today I encountered asinine hostility. From a learned and knowledgeable person who would otherwise be the epitome of civility. When he/she saw that I was great, that my theory was the greatest thing that ever existed, that the only just way of treating me would be utter, complete submission, he/she chose to do the opposite. Insult me to the core, act worse than an animal, be utterly uncivilised. So even if you are 100% right, people will not accept you if they can choose not to; it is only force and fear that ever works. Their ego will not let them gave away credit to another person, unless that very ego tells them to submit in the interest of self-preservation.