how the world works

When you come down to it, life is not special. Life is nothing but a form of nature that can outwit other forms. The human, who is at the top of the food chain, is an evolutionary product of an infinite number of death and discard of other forms of nature. Superiority among humans themselves is also the same - the result of an infinite number of deaths of the less superior.

Human society is extremely complex in that evolutionary predisposition in favor of the superior is almost the entire basis of it, but the humans themselves rarely acknowledge it. This is how the world works. By a seamless and subtle intertwining of the basic evolutionary principle of survival of the fittest into the core fabric of our societies. How we fool ourselves into thinking the opposite - a world which cares for the needy - is what I hope to expose.

To the degree to which our lives are different from what we really are, that much stress we would have.

A superiority complex cannot exist without an inferiority complex.

New year illusion

New year, huh? Heck, what do I care? I'm still in the selfsame rut I used to be in the last new year.

Oh, I do think I am better off now. I do. But I know I'm only fooling myself, just like everyone else. Life is always the same. Dammit!

What is life ? Trying to analyze it takes the life out of life itself, doesn't it? So I'd rather not ask, "What is life?"

Life is a bunch of illusions. There, I said it, and I haven't lost my head. Ha ha. Heck to you, Life.

Let's leave it at that before we both lose our heads. Realize it. And not take life too seriously. 'Cause after all, it's just a bunch of silly illusions.

Confusing

I am who I am. I don't believe in change. People all around me are willing to twist and shape themselves into so many different moulds. To hell with them.

I am confused. I am unsure about life and love. One moment I am dead certain of one thing. The next moment I am dead certain of the exact opposite. I remain unsure. Especially about life and love.

People who have hurt me by their actions and continue to do so are to be avoided, never forgiven. To forgive means to later run the risk of forgetting. And to forget means to expose oneself to the same danger again, which is foolish.

People who have given me a reason to live are to be remembered, cherished, and held on to. But are there really any such people...?

The past and the future are one in the present. Life is always the same beneath the apparent changes on the surface of it. Difficult, easy; enjoyable, detestable...

Confusing.

Her

I loved her. I never thought I'd be so broken if I lost her. It's almost a year since I last saw her. And now I feel life is not worth living, there is no reason to live. That is something I've always felt. But somehow it seems more so now. The fact that she was with me for a while will be a sweet memory forever. Something that makes life a bit more worthwhile. Is it self-esteem she gave me? I think she did, sometimes. Sometimes I think it made no difference. A memory I have and her photo. Thank God for the photo. I got it off her profile and I remember copying it thinking it might vanish any second. That my mom vanished when I was 4 makes be think, subconsciously, that the people I love will vanish anytime. And they do. Also that I'm not worthy of love. But she was the only person in the 22 yrs of my life after my mom's death who made me feel that I was worthy of love. For that I am grateful. The memory can make me so happy...

This is the only thing I am really proud of. That she was with me for a while.