Sunday, December 30, 2007


I am who I am. I don't believe in change. People all around me are willing to twist and shape themselves into so many different moulds. To hell with them.

I am confused. I am unsure about life and love. One moment I am dead certain of one thing. The next moment I am dead certain of the exact opposite. I remain unsure. Especially about life and love.

People who have hurt me by their actions and continue to do so are to be avoided, never forgiven. To forgive means to later run the risk of forgetting. And to forget means to expose oneself to the same danger again, which is foolish.

People who have given me a reason to live are to be remembered, cherished, and held on to. But are there really any such people...?

The past and the future are one in the present. Life is always the same beneath the apparent changes on the surface of it. Difficult, easy; enjoyable, detestable...


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Astrology for me

I would like to spill my guts here when everything is going wrong for me. As it is now. Maybe I should start an anonymous blog? No, I want to say it like it is, without fear. But still, the real issues facing us are often the most hidden. Which is why I would like to vent it out to someone. Or somewhere.

Maybe confessions had a point after all. Note: Stopped going to church years ago.

In the piscean age people hide the truth. In the aquarian age they openly express it. Or so I think. People are most certain about the things they have the least proof of, like astrology and religion. Still, astrology is the mother of all sciences and therefore a science to me. Besides, I use astrology every second. I don't mean the auspicious timing of events stuff. I see exactly how and why the world around me works the way it does. Using common sense. The truth is always the plainest thing to see. What astrology helps me with is, really, nothing so far, as far as I can see. Maybe revealed my strengths or made me believe in strengths I didn't actually possess...

Astrology proves itself. I see how different people are and how people who have birthdays close by resemble. I can expect a certain behaviour (underlying) to emerge and make itself evident over time for people with birthdays in each of the 36 10-day periods in a year. For e.g., I know what to expect from a person born between Jan 1 - Jan 10. Or for any other 10-day period. The magic of astrology reveals itself everyday. For some sun signs I can further divide the 10-day periods, depending on the number of people I have met who have birthdays there. I get better at astrology and how our world ultimately runs as a constant interaction between various astrological decan natives...

I realize that people are so varied you cannot really fathom them. It's a never-ending learning process. But sometimes I also feel people are all the same, heartless, spineless... Superficial. Not knowing the truth is excruciating pain for me. Seethe... Seethe... Seethe...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Me, manyheaded, mad

Greased and grainy, my soul
What I feel, I do not know
Pangs and longing
See in you, my belonging

Words and silence
Interwoven so one more than the other
What it means I thought I knew
No more so methinks

Rumbling ball of black guilt
Thundering down my past or future
Crush me, I say; end this pain
Come for me; consume, devour

Slice my heart, my throat
Speech sharp as razor
Native issue from native heart
Good too much evil become

Thoughts a fleeting
Many I comprehend, many a wasting
Equally sound, in own right and might
Me, manyheaded, mad

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I am going to rant.

There was your warning. I know that people are bad not because they choose to be but because of the way they have been forced to live by society. The very way of life that stops them from seeing society for what it is, what a much better life they were entitled to in the first place.

Today I encountered asinine hostility. From a learned and knowledgeable person who would otherwise be the epitome of civility. When he/she saw that I was great, that my theory was the greatest thing that ever existed, that the only just way of treating me would be utter, complete submission, he/she chose to do the opposite. Insult me to the core, act worse than an animal, be utterly uncivilised. So even if you are 100% right, people will not accept you if they can choose not to; it is only force and fear that ever works. Their ego will not let them gave away credit to another person, unless that very ego tells them to submit in the interest of self-preservation.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Human child

Isn't the root of all evil hurting another person? You can do as you like with your life, but when you do as you like with another person's life, then all hell breaks loose. And this begins at parenthood. You decide where and how your child is being brought up and hence sow the seeds of all evil. What's to stop you from torturing or killing your child? Nothing. The human child is the most unprotected living creature. Animals will not kill their young unless they are compelled to do so by unavoidable circumstances. But humans can and will kill if they choose to, since they are not governed by instinct and can rise above it.

Animals breed in plenty - many die, some survive, depending on external conditions. The same is the case with humans. If we ensure that external conditions are just right before humans are born, then we can end the unnecessary deaths. And not die like animals.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Thoughts - III

Feel like life has passed me by. I am so different from what I used to be, or so I think. But my convictions about the world still stand. It always boils down to money.

The people I feel I should stay away from always prove it to me in time. That I should have stayed away from them. My sense of human dignity is wavering. I don't have the same strong sense of dignity of a human being that I used to have. It's all because of the place where I work, where people don't have any sense of dignity themselves nor do they treat others with any sense of dignity. Life is so much more than 1+1=2, and unless that dawns on them someday they cannot even begin to comprehend the value of a human being.

I've always had the courage to stand up for what I thought or believed in. I hope I will continue to have that courage.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Modified Age-Point Technique

I wanted to talk about a relatively less-known form of prediction, called age-point technique. It uses the western wheel natal chart. And each house corresponds to 5/6 years. Going anticlockwise (some say clockwise), the planetary aspects can indicate the kind of experiences the person will have.

I use a slightly modified technique, however. I ask the person for 2 or 3 most important events in his/her life. I go by the 5/6 years per house technique, but see if there is an exact match. Mostly there isn't so I adjust it so that I guess which planet represents which major event and calculate the degree separation (clockwise) between them and the corresponding time in seconds/hours. From this I calculate how many hours/days is represented by one degree in the person's natal chart. Using this unit I predict future events based on the kind of planet that the age-point conjuncts (age-point is on the ascendant at the moment of birth and moves clockwise at the rate of the calculated hours/days per degree). You can use this to predict the future of a person, an organization, a country, anything.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

New drugs tested on the poor of India

I usually don't write about such stuff, but here goes. I just saw foreign drug companies using poor patients in Indian hospitals, mostly unknowingly, for clinical trials of new drugs. Now the question being asked is whether the patient's consent was had before the trial was conducted. But for me it's the fact that poor people are willing to risk their life in India if it means free medication. They just barely live, anyways. And I saw this on a foreign channel, Australia network. I for one, will never step into an Indian hospital after seeing that TV episode.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Good or bad ?

Paradoxes, when you get to the bottom of life. Truth is, we never can understand life. Good or bad? You can never say. When everything is confusing to you, then you have understood life as well as it can ever be understood. You understand there are two sides to everything.

For example, this blog that I am writing - no reason to write 'coz I'm not a pretty girl or a famous blogger so no one reads my blog - I am in the dumps. Really? Think again. I am the only person who can write without fear of what people may say. I am the only one who can truly be myself. And in the process I get to express myself without inhibition, which is what writing is supposed to do. Blogging is supposed to let your thoughts be known to the world in which I have failed - to be honest, though. But if the thoughts that get communicated are not really your own, and the world reads them, then you have failed just as well.

And even if you communicate what you truly have to say and get famous too, the persona thus created prevents you from being spontaneous, the need to please the public by offering them what they are looking for to keep the blog well-read arises.

So there you go. Paradox at every stage in life. At every instance. At every alternative.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Like the many

My eyelids lifted
My heart still beating
My breathing laboured
My blood still flowing

Where are you when I need you
How could you leave me and go
Leave me to face it all alone
What were you thinking

I can't see too far
Can't hear too much
Is this how it will end
For myself left to fend

Thought there was a beating heart
Pumped not just blood but love
Thought there were beautiful eyes
Saw not form but pain beneath

Numbered are the breaths I take
Kindness from you I wish to see
Before it ends I wished to make
Love from you a reality

But what have I
But a fool's abode
Never ever comes true
Never ever comes close

I will end
Like the many
Unknown, unwanted
Uncared for

There is no justice
In life and in love
Thought you would be the rarity
Sent for me from up above

Love, influence

Is there any relation between the goodness of your heart and the quality of your life?

I guess we could see it in a million different ways.

Why the philosophy? All I want is for someone I love to say that they love me. I've never heard those three beautiful words. Never.

In the end you remain who you are, whatever you give or take, achieve or miserably fail in. Yeah, so what's the point of love, right?

To be who you are you must rid yourself of influences, especially at work, where being influenced by the boss works in your favour. Where blending in is more important than sticking out. And then your need for love disappears.

When you rid yourself of influences and have the courage to be who you are. But it's downright impossible. People who constantly try to change you will continue to do so.

How many?

How many roads must a man walk
Before you can call him a man

It's a question. Not just lines from Bob Dylan's song. How many?

I still lament that the world does not accept you for who you are. Why do you have to walk any roads at all? And what if you are not a man? That the world is built on the principle of survival of the fittest is to blame.

I'm thinking of another book to write. Centred around this new sense of awareness I have had since the last one I had five years ago and the resulting book. It's basically about how humans are just a bunch of overgrown worms. How the big trample the little. How inequality is the law of nature. And more.

But that doesn't sound earth-shaking enough. Or maybe it is.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

To die

We are who we are. So many reasons, causes.

They will burn the prophet.

Won't they?

So much pain and loneliness. So much good too, but I don't want to see it. Do I like pain?

Sadistic pervert.


So what?

I wish I could one day say that without fear. "So what?"

My body is tired and weak. My search for love is in vain. To die. To die I wish.

What was the point of this burden called point, no purpose.

Oh, the magic of silence I forgot. A soothing balm. I'll try that.

Jealousy and opposition is what I face. They will burn the prophet. Can I escape?

I think not.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Rot like a street dog

So much has happened. I realize I have been scared and influenced. Fearful of saying what I think.

At work I used to put up art on the wall every week. There were comments written underneath, but when I wrote there that nothing should be written, someone threw away my art. Behind my back. Infuriated me. Anything done behind my back infuriates me. I sent a mail (toned down) to everyone, saying whoever did it owed me an apology. I was mad as hell. I drank beer the previous night at a friend's place and somehow it had a long-lasting effect on me. I was scared it was the beer talking. So nervous and scared that I called a friend to ease myself. I was strangely acting - the beer I think is responsible.

Anyways, later after sobering a day after, I looked at the mail and it didn't seem rude. I was relieved. I realized alcohol only magnifies the negative possibilities for me. I also saw that people would most likely ignore the mail - which they didn't seem likely to do a day back.

It's not a life of beer drinks that can't be counted on the fingers of one hand.

I mean I haven't drunk more than five or six times in my life and only soberly too, at that. I was keeping myself safe and protected - always thought that there was a reason. But today I see the whole world is a sham. The only reason why people would like you is because they need something you have. When you don't have anything, you are thrown away like a used rag to rot like a street dog.

That happens to half the people on earth. At some point in their life.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Disgusting world

The heat is unbearable.

Have to stick to the plan, though. I seem to have holes in my pocket when it comes to money. But still... Have to stick to the plan.

Is love ever true? I can fall in love with anyone. And be rejected by almost anyone. What is it with the world that everyone but me seems to be happy? Is it a show or is it true? Some astrological reason perhaps?

Desperate. Angry. Disgusted. Disappointed. Useless.

It's useless. A pointless life. No interest in anything. Feel no connection to anyone. Never did.

Yes. Never did.

And the remedies offered by 'helpful' people...actually feel like poison..and is poison too. The last time I tried them I lost what little I had left.

Disgusting animals. That's what they are. Wounded and hurt that I am, they only rub salt in my wounds.

What a disgusting world. What disgusting people.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

True love refuses to die

If she loved me she would say so. If she didn't she could say so. Since neither is happening, she doesn't know. I am going to see her last mail again. Is it that I just don't want to believe that she doesn't love me? 'Cause the last time I got her email it was pretty clear to me she didn't. And now I just want to think good things that don't exist.

I read her last mail and I'm struck by how self-satisfied she sounded. True, she has everything. She doesn't need me. And she can say it quite politely too, like: "Thank you for being a friend. And please don't try to get in touch with me again."

So sweet and yet so hurting.

A friend? That's wonderful. I did hope for more. But at least a friend I was. And she is thankful for it. So sweet. But what comes after is just the opposite, which makes you doubt the sincerity of what was said before. Please don't try to get in touch with me again?

What on earth does that mean?

The mail is dated Jul 7, 2007 9:54 AM. Today it's Sept 22, 2007. True love refuses to die.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


I loved her. I never thought I'd be so broken if I lost her. It's almost a year since I last saw her. And now I feel life is not worth living, there is no reason to live. That is something I've always felt. But somehow it seems more so now. The fact that she was with me for a while will be a sweet memory forever. Something that makes life a bit more worthwhile. Is it self-esteem she gave me? I think she did, sometimes. Sometimes I think it made no difference. A memory I have and her photo. Thank God for the photo. I got it off her profile and I remember copying it thinking it might vanish any second. That my mom vanished when I was 4 makes be think, subconsciously, that the people I love will vanish anytime. And they do. Also that I'm not worthy of love. But she was the only person in the 22 yrs of my life after my mom's death who made me feel that I was worthy of love. For that I am grateful. The memory can make me so happy...

This is the only thing I am really proud of. That she was with me for a while.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Thoughts- II

Sadness is more meaningful than happiness.

The problem is not that you don't have enough, but that you've lost the ability to enjoy what you have.

It is impossible to see the beauty around you when you work for a living.

When you find peace and happiness within you, you don't go searching for the same in either people or things. That's a good thing 'cause both are more harm than good.

It's better to die than to live in fear.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


I was in a trance
Frightened by the glance
Never happened
Never will

Light steps
Lighter and lighter
Walking on clouds
Walking on water

Ignore, ignore
But how could she
She could, she could
But why me

Her world
Ever mysterious
Never known
Never will be

Closer to her
Closer to me

Walking or was it talking
She spoke to me, I know
Language of love
Without speaking

A fragment
Light and fluttering
In the wind
Of hopes and wishes

Coolness it was
Of being, a lightness
Whiff of life
Glad and grateful

Royal and pure
White and light
Her presence, persona
Beauty, or better?

Turn of head
Or royal nod?
Moves mountains
Moves my heart

A word
Please, please
I beg, I plead
A word for me

I wish I hear
The word that is thine
And thine only

I did, I did
Yes I did
To hear that word of thine

They came
They came a-plenty
Now and then
A flood not meant for me

At least I know true love
Giving, not receiving
Language of love
Language of hoping

Chaitra means spring

Blows hot, blows cold
Not sweet, not sour
Who can keep a hold?
She changes by the hour

Defiantly amazing
The beauty of the wildflower
Not winter. Not summer.
Chaitra means spring.

Saturday, August 25, 2007


I realized something else. Girls make me weak. I usually know who I am and where I am going in life. But when a girl comes into my life and starts acting wishy-washy, that throws me off-balance. I become fearful, anxious, vulnerable. Lose all focus. I'm a pretty self-centred person who knows how to outwit everyone else, but a girl's presence makes me want to lower my guard so as to understand her and care for her instead. That's how it's with me, anyways.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Letting it out....

I've been alone all my damn life. What do you think I'm scared of?

A girl named Nada just visited my profile on orkut and my heart is all flutters. On her profile it says she's been in Riyadh and now in Karachi but doesn't mention UAE. Her profile is written pretty innocently and that points to the Nada I knew.

There's a person I know who will never know what I've been through or what I've done because she is so full of herself. Will never be able to appreciate me for who I am. True. So was the girl who I loved for the past two years, getting nothing in return. But here's the amazing cinch: When I was 15, a fellow student who claimed to know palmistry predicted that my first girlfriend would be a girl whose name starts with the letter "H" and has a total of 5 letters. And she is the first girl who fits. That student's name was Waheeda Rahman, a Sri Lankan.

What a magical life I lead!

And to think I was feeling in the dumps a while ago. Yes, that's because I'm in a not-so-magical place, maybe. I am here in a place that does not agree at all with me because of a decision I took that was upright and self-sacrificing, and above all, the right thing to do. I left a comfortable job, which was basically watching movies and editing English subtitles to them, people who were as modern as they could get in a country like India, pretty girls for company, and the like because I had to give the message to the world, in which I failed. The world does not know the perfect world message. But the steps taken, hopefully, have taken me closer to that goal.

And now I am in a place with none of those things, which is tolerable, but rudeness and lack of civility - no. That is too much. But I am patient. As always. And dreaming of good things to come. Of good things that once were, but now aren't.

Monday, August 20, 2007


Growing up is realizing that you are not the center of the world.

Nice in the beginning ro be rude later on.

When you need other people to tell you who you are, you are beyond all help.

Love is when you need another person to tell you who you are.

People run from one thing to another, not having even one moment of true happiness because they think it doesn't exist. But it does.

Let people look down on you; you don't have to look down on yourself.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Life goes on

What a much better place my living room has become since I opened the small window beside the door a bit. No need for the noisy fan. Feels so cool. My thwarted attempts to make my whole home air-conditioned don’t hurt so much now. I’m sitting in the living room. I had a thought because the TV actually makes me want to comment on what I see, but there are no kindred spirits who would listen. Why are here no kindred spirits? That’s another big issue I’m really confused about. Is it me or is it others? It could be me, mind me.

I’m watching Robbie Williams’ video on ftv. Surrounded by good-looking girls and dressed as a guru. It goes something like, Sin, sin, sin. Look where have you been and where are you tonight. It starts with a guru channel female presentator. And he looks like a priest, Robbie Williams. But I noticed that only beautiful girls were being healed by the guru. I read somewhere Robbie Williams is a Leo Ascendant like me. What the song means still hasn’t gotten to me and it’s over now. The next one is Hold on to people, they’re slipping away. I think it’s by Moby. Sad sounding and very meaningful to me. Everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Now it’s the ftv only on fashion tv interlude. Now it's Nelly Furtado. She was awesome in I’m Like A Bird. Reminded me of Hana Nada (prev. post). But now not so good. Skimpier outfits, catchier songs, slicker face, boring girl. Can’t even make out the lyrics. Time to change the channel.

Oh it’s Mr. Bean dancing around like an idiot. You know, I and Mr. Bean have a lot in common. He is actually Rowan Atkinson and his birthday is only a few days after mine. He just jumped in front of a car to get his shoe. Now he is combing his hair looking at the reflection on a glass in a store. He can’t see the back of his head so he went into a photo booth and took the back pictures. Now he is following the picture processing in the booth with his ear till it pops out. Now it’s a goddamn ad.

I feel so angry when I think about the people at work who smile at me thinking I’m stupid. My friend Shinaj told me once that is how people see me. He said, “He is worthless. We can treat him as we like.” That’s how people see me. But since he is quite right most of the time, I gave it some thought. It’s true. In some ways.

I remember the chicken fry pieces I used to have at his place that we bought from outside for very cheap and it was very tasty too. I’m still trying to think of a way to cook chicken sausages on the microwave. The first time it got stuck to the paper cover, the second time it got hard as rock and the third time I ate it no matter how it tasted. And the Microsoft Office I have is not able to install updates coz I deleted a file while fixing the laptop. But the damn laptop still keeps downloading something God only knows what, its cutting into my allotted download limit of 1.5 GB and in future hopefully if the internet service provider responds, 1 GB. When I have to pay Rs. 2 for every extra MB, it’s not very funny.

When I see cartoons, I think, how wonderful if the world was so clear cut and colorful as the cartoons. So pretty and perfect. The people, the roads, the cars. That’s why I watch cartoons. I’m seeing Bob the Builder now. Repulsed me once upon a time. But now nothing better in this godforsaken place I guess. Other than pretty, pretty girls on ftv.

Oh, by the way, I hate Harrison Ford. Makes me want to vomit. He’s on this channel Sony pix. I think it’s 'cause he’s so old-fashioned. Also the stupid downloading stopped once I closed all active windows. Could be the site legitimately updating status or a virus that attached itself to the browser. Am no computer guy but educated guesses are possible.

My life

Really? I’m tired of writing. What’s the point? People may or may not read. If they read, they see the things they want to see, not what I try to communicate. The one point, it makes me happy. Makes me feel useful. Like I’m accomplishing something. Maybe it’s got to do with the North Node thing I read a while ago. My north node is in Leo and the 12th house. I read you feel more satisfied when you are headed in the direction of the north node. And Leo is about creativity. So that explains it. Has it, Mr. Reader? If you exist, that is.

And besides, I work with words, so I associate it with work, at least subconsciously. And work – is no fun. All the gibberish people say about enjoying work, you ought to take up a calling of yours, find the career to which you are suited – I don’t believe in all that mumbo-jumbo.

There is no real basis to life. Everything is illusion. Kant said everything comes through our senses so the actual world is not what we perceive it to be. In the Critique of Pure Reason. That’s his main philosophy, anyway. No, I wasn’t aiming for that exactly. I meant that nothing is what it seems to be. Once you get past the illusion to the core of the matter, you see that nothing is the same forever, people, things. Everyone changes. Everything changes. In such a state of world is it really wise, actually isn’t it downright foolhardy, to set your heart upon something, or someone for that matter?

Questions unanswered. Does any question have an answer? Every questions answer is challenged in time. Mathematics seems to be the exception. 1+1=2 But can we say? In time, even that could be proved wrong. After all we can only perceive up to 4 dimensions. Three of space and one of time. In scenarios of multiple dimensions, 1+1 could be three or four. Ha ha.

Who cares anyways/. There are mathematicians who break their heads over string theory and stuff, like the Hawking guy. He has success so I’ll give him that. But what about the others? Even people who think for a living don’t have it easy.

I’m inspired because I saw Wind in The Willows on TV just now and I thought, how about a novel like that. So childish, with badgers and rabbits acting like people. And so hilarious too. Not to mention Toad or Mr. Toad. Frankly I haven’t been the outdoorsy kind coz I wasn’t allowed to. Where I was brought up it was in the middle of the desert, Sharjah, UAE, so I frankly don’t know for sure what a badger is. Handicap for a writer, I think. But helpful too, ‘cause of the ability to imagine things that don’t exist, the ability to think that the world is a wonderful place. ‘Cause I don’t really know.

But I was in a multicultural society. Don’t want to go into it. Suffice it to know that Iranian girls were with me at school. And I was in love with a Pakistani girl for 10 years. I wonder what my parents will think about this comment. Shameless son. But I’d better not think. Culture s such a holding-back factor in this place, India. I feel no connection to it. To the beggars and poverty, of which I didn’t see a bit in my childhood. I don’t feel any connection to this country. Or the people who I feel are fake, fake, fake. And I don’t blame them. I blame the heat. And the culture brought about by the heat.

Oh I have to do a spell-check on this. It’s part of my job at work, so I don’t really want to do it. I wish I could just write and have enough money and people at my beckoning to clean up the document for me, in the way I please. Instead I do that work at office. Ha.

I see clearly that my life is no glorious affair, which is what most people believe about their own lives, so that the thought keeps them happy. I see the truth. So clearly.

But people would disagree. And I would say it’s their jealousy that makes them disagree.

I don’t care about hyphens and stuff here 'cause I can afford not to. It’s my blog and I choose how it should be. Reminds me. At work too, the rules are what the boss lays down, whether they are right or wrong. I’m free to be who I am here. Stupid or intelligent, I don’t care. Jumpy or steady, I don’t care.

I have this song going on in my head now, Society, you’re a woman. At least that’s what I heard. What is it anyways with the songs, they deliberately distort them, don’t they?
Anyways, what does it mean, society is a woman? Beats me so far. But let me think. ‘Spineless’ comes to my mind.

Now I know no one reads my blog. But what if people do start reading? Especially at office? Would I honestly speak my thoughts the way I do now? I wish I could. I wish even if I could, that I’d be not held back by fear. I wish I wouldn’t start bothering about hyphens and commas. That’s why I said work ought to be abolished. Every one should have the freedom to be who they are. No one has that. I can only laugh at the people who say they have freedom. No one has true freedom, except people who have a secure life without having to work. For a hundred years.

I don’t worry about being misunderstood because people who feel a pulse the same as mine will understand it. And so will people who truly wish to understand. As for the rest of the world, I’m not going out of my way for them. People see what they want to see, anyways.

All I’m going to do is a spell-check.

Hit F7!

Friday, August 17, 2007


How much bullshit tries to pass off as truth is just baffling when you look at it. The people who actually bullshit are often seen as the bearers of truth while the people who actually care about the truth and are willing to stand up for it are, first of all, boring - no bells and whistles that the bullshitter has. Secondly, not likable or lovable, since their priority is speaking the truth, not speaking what pleases the people. And thirdly, smugness that comes from the conviction of being right.

So, there it is. The people who set out to please the people are the ones who succeed, though they are the ones who have taken liberties with the truth. The people who set out to speak the exact truth are the ones who are misunderstood and unsuccessful since absolute devotion to truth means not altering it at any time, in any way, to please people.

An intelligent discussion here prompted me to write this:

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Hana Nada

There was a girl named Hana Nada
With whom I was in love
There was a day when I was in heaven
The day I saw her

Love was it or was it pain
Killing me and saving me again
Life's always a monotony
The beauty who erased the pain

Longing for her ever so much
Pangs of hunger, hunger for love
In which I dwell, I dwell content
Asking for nothing but the right to love

And there she gilded before my eyes
My senses heightened, what a surprise
Could this be real, yes it was
Pinch me I said, but I knew it was

Oh the quiet, oh the silence
Magnifies and envelopes me
In the beauty of your presence
What more could one want

So I thought, so I dreamt
With what was before me
The missing pieces I could conjure
Never to be, never to stop haunting me

My soul was bought, my life empty
My longings longer, to no end torturing me
But those days, yes they were worth it
Memories and feelings, no, much more

Drunk and numb from love
I feel nothing no more
She made a heaven for me
In which I dwelled for free

That heaven is in my mind for years
If she were here, for real it would be
But that being too much to ask for
The old heaven I'm grateful for

No difference did it make, her rejection
Except a deeper gash of wounded love
A wound more than merely mortal
My longing for her increase

You were the one I knew it then
Magic and sorcery tell me I was right
These I've turned to for consolation
And they tell me they have none

For you are the one, you are the one
Every law of nature and underworld tells me so
My heart told me then
But now I hear it from them too

Oh why were you a passing mirage
So short a span, yet the hold unyielding
What was your purpose I wonder
Make me or break me asunder

I wouldn't mind if the answers I didn't find
But this is true, as true as true can be
How I feel for you, how much I do
One day, I wish...I wish for you

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Value of the human being

The value of a human being ought to be upheld by law above everything else. Because this is a world where your ability to contribute determines your quality of life. At childhood one is given what one needs to be able to contribute. The lesser one gets at childhood, the lesser he/she is able to contribute. Therefore birth into poverty must be prevented by law.

When a child is born into poverty, it affects the rest of us too. That we allowed such a thing to happen is indicative of the dip in the well-being of our society. We start forming groups to avoid contact with those born into less prosperous circumstances. So that our collective human value remains high. It is only because we are not considering the rest of the masses of human beings.If we did consider them, our human value would go down considerably. The only way to truly raise human value, then, is to prevent birth into poverty.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I realize

I realize. I'm all about substance. I don't really care about style. So what if a hyphen is missing. Or a comma. It's the matter that's important. And any nutcase or monkey will find easily the meaning that is supposed to be conveyed. That's why I suck. At my job as a copyeditor. I've never bothered about style ever. It's the core I always want to get to. No matter what I do. I end up with a job that is so against who I am. Phew! How did this happen? How do these things happen? Is there any job that would be suited for me? Or are all jobs on earth superficial and unfulfilling? Is the earth just a screwed-up place where everyone does exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to be doing? Can anyone give me an answer?

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Can people who have had the things they want and/or need think of a life otherwise? Yes they can. They can be engulfed by enormous fear or they can have a sense of excitement of "what if." Time and again I see that having more allows you to express yourself more and consequently have greater self-respect and respect from other people as well.

For a while I, who I thought was among the enlightened ones, did not see why people act the way they do until I lost some of what I had and saw the corresponding change in people. I am pretty sure now that people see your talents if you are in a position above them, rather than if you were an equal.

Who you are and what others think of you are different things, but its difficult to keep them apart. We believe what the mirror tells us. In the same manner it's only logical to believe that what people tell us is true. But if we look a bit more closely, we find the mirror only gives a 'mirror image', which is inverted from left to right and the mirror image's accuracy depends on how good the mirror itself is. If it is dirty or worn out, you cannot trust what you see, but will have to look at it from different angles with a discerning eye to get a more accurate picture.

So the quality of people's opinions is dependent on the quality of the people themselves. If the people are dirty and worn-out, they ought not to be trusted. Translating it into a literal sense, it means that the kind of lives people live determine if they are dirty and/or worn-out, not the way they look, beware. And most people are brain-washed (by society) and over-worked (by society, again), which is why do not believe what people tell you.

Look at the kind of lives they lead. Are they overworked and/or living in inhuman working/living conditions? If so, they are like blotched, worn-out mirrors. Do not take them seriously.

No wonder democracy doesn't work.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


That which has been wished for
And dreamt of since aeons
Its price you say is blood and gore
Its value beyond measure

'Tis true and lasting, the pain
The suffering, forever boundless
I agree, two sides have a coin
Sans thorns there are no roses

Closing our eyes to the fact
Fact ever present, to vanish unwilling
Dust swept under the carpet
Remains dust, to change unwilling

Fact that to give is not possible
Without first receiving
Fact ignored by the very first people
Fact if unrecognized, by the very last

To be given is to give
To value, utility inferior
Pursue knowledge, not necessity, to evolve
To need, absence of need, superior

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Breaking away

"...I couldnt sleep but was just lying quietly as I used to before.
I cleared my mind.
Whatever thought came into the head any flash of anything i would just blank it out and I became a blank.
I felt a sense of power, of being back in control of my life.
I had lost that feeling for a long time."

When you break away from all that is earthly you are left with only your soul - and strangely it makes you feel immortal and strong rather than weak - which means you feel you will live forever (your soul will) - and hence there is nothing to be scared of.

Instead of feeling like you are losing something you feel like you have gained something when you give up, and forget about, earthly life.

That is proof that the soul exists if it is true for you too. Is it?

Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy in belief

People believe what they want to believe, gather a bunch of people who want to believe the same thing and then believe the same thing even if confronted with evidence or proof of the opposite of their belief being true. Suppose there is a group of atheists. Also suppose there is God. Now if God came and stood in front of an atheist community, they would shout in one voice, "God does not exist." "You are a fake" or something like that. They would not be the least moved even if God poured his wrath over them. They would give some other justification, but will not believe in God.

Though I have given the example of atheism, this is true of religion, not atheism. Confronted by evidence that God does not exist, religion gives innumerable justifications for the pointless suffering in the's for your own good, it's for the sins in your previous life, it's God's will, and so on.

It's also true of everyday life. We believe a bunch of soothing lies about life, work and destiny that we read in books and watch in the movies. Then we join the people who have read the books and seen the movies that we have and think that our common belief is the truth. Today, the necessary characteristic for something to qualify as truth is simply that it is believed in by the people around us.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


People who don't think much of themselves don't think much of others, either. If you think less of yourself, how can you think well of others? You have a wrong, lower-than-actual estimation of your worth and capabilities. If you are unable to assess yourself correctly, is it likely that you will be able to assess others correctly?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The in-betweens

There's two kinds of worlds: a world where you are free to be who you are and a world where you are not. They are the first-world countries and the third-world countries, respectively. The in-betweens are confusing, they have a bit of both. In one place you can be who you are, be accepted, even appreciated. In another place, you aren't. You are appalled by the lack of manners, the lack of civility, the prevalence of psychological complexes, and the depth and types of personal insecurity, that you abundantly see in almost every person you encounter.

Unfair Advantage

Unfair advantage is what the world is about. From work, social life, love, fame and fortune to peace, individuality, talent, communication and genius. One has, the others don’t. Some have, most won’t.

What people deserve and what they get are terribly disproportionate at times. To be given more than they deserve or to be given less than they deserve – which is the greater evil?

Throughout history we thought the former to be the greater evil. There really wasn’t a thought, it was just crowd instinct. Down with the rich! Down with the powerful! Down with the famous! If anyone had paused a moment to decide, the latter would be seen to be the greater evil. Down with poverty! Down with insignificance! Down with ignorance! Down with poverty - the source of all evil! Let me explain.

Poverty gives unfair advantage. By cutting off access to the basic necessities of life and the fruits of man’s progress. Your knowledge, talents (what good are they if they cannot be expressed?), appearance, education, communication skills and possible genius, all depend on your personal wellbeing and access to information, technology and other resources.

Sure, even if it was ensured none would be in abject poverty, unfair advantage would still exist because some have more, others have less, always, no matter what we are talking about. The world will always have unfair advantage, unless all people were clones of a single person.

What we have got to realize is that no one should be praised or appreciated. They do what they do because they were given what it takes either in their genes or from outside. What we also have to realize is that preferential treatment is always given to the people who already have an unfair advantage in some personal attribute, increasing their unfair advantage in that attribute or some other attribute, depending on the type of preferential treatment given. This is why the strong grow stronger and the weak grow weaker.

Unfair advantage in some attribute --> preferential treatment --> more unfair advantage

Strong --> Stronger Weak --> Weaker Beautiful --> More beautiful
Ugly --> Uglier Rich --> Richer Poor --> Poorer
Intelligent --> Brilliant Pampered --> Luxuriant

This is evolution. The strong replace the weak over time. The beautiful replace the ugly. The rich replace the poor… Over time.


Most of us are brought up one way and live another way. Won’t it have an effect? The effect of discomfort, a sense of loss, of discontent, of never-ending pain and agony. From which we escape via addictions. We escape from that state through our pleasures and addictions. Addictions make us think that we are devoid of willpower, but that is not so. If we are devoid of willpower, it is the willpower to continue to suffer pain, to remain in a state of pain and agony. And that is stupidity, not willpower. For what reason or logic should you live the rest of your life in pain, or even a short portion of it?

Addictions will end if the PFC law is implemented. People will be able to continue to live in the same conditions that they were brought up in. They wouldn’t be subjected to mental or physical disturbance, or should I say, torture. As a result, it will be easier to remain a normal human being.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Abolish work!

The very fact that you have to work for a living means that you cannot be who you are. Do you feel like going to work every day? And do you feel like working at sharp 8:00 am and stop feeling that way at sharp 5:00 pm? Definitely not.

We cannot have true freedom unless work is abolished. If our parents had to pay for our entire existence before we were born, we wouldn't have to work. Work would be abolished. And we will have true freedom. We work if we want to. When we want to.

Instead of the drudgery and monotony that everyone today calls work. That is why I say that basic financial capability should be made a legal requirement for parenthood. So that we can gradually abolish work and use technology instead to do the work for us. And have true freedom. Read the Perfect World theory:

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Being who you are - II

What a good thing if being who you are gets what you want. But it's not that way. You be what's expected to get what you want. No?

Don't you wear the best you've got at an interview? Don't you hide your flaws and magnify your assets no matter who you are dealing with? Even with your closest friend. Even if you have sworn openness and honesty. Because you are scared of losing that friendship. Same goes for any kind of relationship. Maybe you don't have to change yourself (for some people) to acquire what you want. But to keep what you have acquired, you certainly change.

Everyone works for a living. At your workplace being your true self feels foolish. 'Cause your survival depends on having a job. Maybe people like your true self. Maybe they don't. Maybe sometimes. But certainly not always. Maybe one person, but certainly not everyone. Maybe most people are powerless to change you, but certainly some are or could find a way to.

If you don't have to work for a living, you still depend on people to meet your survival needs: the grocer, the electricity and water authorities, the cable guy, the telephone guy, the computer technician. If they don't like you for who you are... And certainly no one will like you for who you are all the time. Then you have threats to your survival and happiness. So most of us end up living as people that others like us to be. Not as ourselves.

But if survival is guaranteed from life to death as I have explained in my book, Message of the Perfect World, then we can all be who we are without fearing anyone. It's the end of fear too.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Being who you are

There's nothing wrong in being who you are. Even if you are a murderer. If you are a murderer, you should be free to murder. Just not actual people. Virtual people - computer-generated or otherwise. To ensure the freedom to be who you are, you need to be secure - meaning fulfillment of daily basic needs. Otherwise you are forced to go after food, shelter and security, instead of being free to follow your natural inclinations.

In a world where most people are not free to follow their natural inclinations because they are preoccupied with acquiring food, shelter and security, most people end up being sad, dangerous or perverted. How? Read previous post.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Freedom to be who I am

Freedom to be who you are. When you don't have that, you become sad, dangerous, perverted. Because you are being something other than who you are. That is an insult to your individuality, to your uniqueness. When you are forced to act in any unnatural way, it shows that society considers you valueless. You become sad because society does not value you. You become dangerous because you want to destroy the social elements that are accepted and hence force society to accept and desire your values instead. You become perverted when you continue to act in the unnatural manner required by society, and in all the unnatural manners accepted by society, with no regard for your own individuality and personal worth.

Just the freedom to be who I am is all I am asking for. So much is expected, so many do's and dont's. So much infringement on individual expression. Will I ever have that freedom to act in tune with my natural self?

Yes, if basic financial capability is made a legal requirement for parenthood.
If my survival is guaranteed, no matter what.

roots of racism

What's wrong is not that we are unable to treat people the same irrespective of color, sex, race, etc. What's wrong is that society and our way of life is dependent on those things. Why do we hold beauty contests? Why does the more intelligent get ahead in life? Why do we hold fitness and strength contests? Where the tall, more well-built ones are the ones who succeed?

It's all right to hold such contests. But not to reward the winner. If we do, then we are acting out of bias. Promoting such a culture. And giving in to nature's principle of "survival of the fittest."

Why should it matter if the other person has a displeasing appearance? Why should it matter if he/she looks looks disgusting to you? According to me, there's nothing wrong in either you feeling disgusted or him/her looking disgusting. What's wrong is that you have the power to hurt him/her based on how you feel. And does the rest of society as well. If most people find that person disgusting in some way or other, he/she will have to suffer or change his/her personality to a more pleasing type, thereby having to give up his/her individuality.


The perfect world stays online, for the world to see. I want a better world 'coz I suffer a lot in this world. I feel horrible right now. Why is it that I am alone? Why have I always been so? People suffer in many ways. People suffer in much worse ways. But my loneliness only shows that the world is unfair. Those with looks and fortune don't have to be alone or misunderstood. Or is it?

Famous people with looks and fortune often complain of loneliness. So I can't shout at the world for my loneliness. I chose it? Maybe.

It feels terrible not to have a job. I gave up my job to spread the message, sell my books on my own and live on the profits. But no one bought my book on the streets. Worse, I couldn't handle selling. So I'm back looking for a job. Did a test today. If things go well, I'll have a job, finally.

I have a message. At

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The search for answers is over

What would you say if I have the ultimate solution to all human problems? Would you believe me? Would you feel happy? Would you dismiss me right away?

Whatever your reaction may be, here is the ultimate solution. (Yes, I've found it.) Basic financial capability must be made a legal requirement for parenthood. We can achieve everything from securing human rights to protecting the environment if we do that. Do you believe me?

Read about the perfect world theory on my site:

More posts coming...