Thursday, September 13, 2007


I loved her. I never thought I'd be so broken if I lost her. It's almost a year since I last saw her. And now I feel life is not worth living, there is no reason to live. That is something I've always felt. But somehow it seems more so now. The fact that she was with me for a while will be a sweet memory forever. Something that makes life a bit more worthwhile. Is it self-esteem she gave me? I think she did, sometimes. Sometimes I think it made no difference. A memory I have and her photo. Thank God for the photo. I got it off her profile and I remember copying it thinking it might vanish any second. That my mom vanished when I was 4 makes be think, subconsciously, that the people I love will vanish anytime. And they do. Also that I'm not worthy of love. But she was the only person in the 22 yrs of my life after my mom's death who made me feel that I was worthy of love. For that I am grateful. The memory can make me so happy...

This is the only thing I am really proud of. That she was with me for a while.

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