Letting it out....

I've been alone all my damn life. What do you think I'm scared of?

A girl named Nada just visited my profile on orkut and my heart is all flutters. On her profile it says she's been in Riyadh and now in Karachi but doesn't mention UAE. Her profile is written pretty innocently and that points to the Nada I knew.

There's a person I know who will never know what I've been through or what I've done because she is so full of herself. Will never be able to appreciate me for who I am. True. So was the girl who I loved for the past two years, getting nothing in return. But here's the amazing cinch: When I was 15, a fellow student who claimed to know palmistry predicted that my first girlfriend would be a girl whose name starts with the letter "H" and has a total of 5 letters. And she is the first girl who fits. That student's name was Waheeda Rahman, a Sri Lankan.

What a magical life I lead!

And to think I was feeling in the dumps a while ago. Yes, that's because I'm in a not-so-magical place, maybe. I am here in a place that does not agree at all with me because of a decision I took that was upright and self-sacrificing, and above all, the right thing to do. I left a comfortable job, which was basically watching movies and editing English subtitles to them, people who were as modern as they could get in a country like India, pretty girls for company, and the like because I had to give the message to the world, in which I failed. The world does not know the perfect world message. But the steps taken, hopefully, have taken me closer to that goal.

And now I am in a place with none of those things, which is tolerable, but rudeness and lack of civility - no. That is too much. But I am patient. As always. And dreaming of good things to come. Of good things that once were, but now aren't.