No limits love

When I was in love I did not think about color, race, religion or nationality. I knew at that moment that this is probably never going to work out. But I did it nonetheless because the feeling of love was precious enough. Just like most things I do, just because it feels good and right.

And when I really think about it, her husband or boyfriend will be forever worrying about losing her, trying to make her happy all the time, not getting one moment of peace, forget being able to love her and feel that ethereal feeling that I can.

That I can.

No worries, hassles, not even have to see her aging and lose character, if at all. To me she is still the innocent princess whom I could sense even if I was deaf and blind, just because of the ethereal feeling I had whenever she came close.

Love doesn't have to be a sad affair for the guy who didn't get the girl. After 12 years I can remember her still. And if I think about her deeply enough, it would still take me not more than a minute to feel just as if she were sitting next to me, no different. And experience the ethereal feeling any time I want.

Poor boyfriend of hers, it's probably been ages since he could feel that way, if at all.

how the world works

When you come down to it, life is not special. Life is nothing but a form of nature that can outwit other forms. The human, who is at the top of the food chain, is an evolutionary product of an infinite number of death and discard of other forms of nature. Superiority among humans themselves is also the same - the result of an infinite number of deaths of the less superior.

Human society is extremely complex in that evolutionary predisposition in favor of the superior is almost the entire basis of it, but the humans themselves rarely acknowledge it. This is how the world works. By a seamless and subtle intertwining of the basic evolutionary principle of survival of the fittest into the core fabric of our societies. How we fool ourselves into thinking the opposite - a world which cares for the needy - is what I hope to expose.

To the degree to which our lives are different from what we really are, that much stress we would have.

A superiority complex cannot exist without an inferiority complex.

Selfishness? Is that it?

There is a beautiful side to everything.

Now that that's out of the way, the important thing I want to say here is...

That I feel I am on the verge of a new breakthrough into how the world works.

I've narrowed it down to just survival of the fittest.

Sounds too simple?

No, it isn't.

God, my thought process just slipped out again like slippery fish in the hand. I really can't handle the thought of people dismissing ideas without thinking about it.

Can't hold it.

The truth. Elusive.

A-ha. Gotcha again.

It's just evolution.

We are all driven by desire, primal, evolutionary hardwiring. And most of the good stuff like helping others, being kind, not to forget - love, etc. is only driven by desire. Selfish desire.

Maybe that's all it is. Selfishness.

Still doesn't feel like the one thing that explains everything. If there's any ability I've got, it's to recognize the truth when I see it. And this still does not hit the spot.

But I feel very strongly that a real breakthrough is about to happen. Also maybe I'll write a book on it, this time on story lines, like The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

The most wise thing I have heard so far is said by the spanish woman in The Spanish Woman movie, which I saw yesterday.

Can't remember the exact thing, but was something like no one gives a damn about you unless they need you in some way, including the people who "love" you.

Since my last few days at the current job are coming up fast, I either will get a new job real quick or free time to get more of this thinking done.

Being at ease

There are two paths of life one can take:

discomfort with oneself - lose oneself in work or play - inability to know oneself through solitude - therefore listen to others' opinion of who one is - live one's life to please others so as to get a better opinion - strive your whole life to please others - remain eternally unhappy

at ease with oneself - know oneself through solitude - live one's life as it suits oneself - be truly happy

Mostly, we all take the first path as we don't have a life though we all think we do. We lose ourselves in work or play, it doesn't matter which.

One way or other, few, if any, are at ease with themselves. It could be the way we are brought up, preparing us to succeed in society like soldiers are trained for war. The artificially/subconsciously imbibed sense that we are worth nothing if we cannot or do not contribute to society. Maybe that is to blame for it all.

On the other hand, I have found absolute quiet and a cool climate to be the requisites for being at ease with oneself. Also being free - not a member of any organization, no responsibility for anyone or anything. Responsibility kills happiness.

But it all surely starts with being at ease with oneself or not.

Everything is fake, including me

My life is a list of failures. Those who need to know, do know what they are. Those who caused those failures.

I have a need for absolute quiet. Rare. Like now. What I wouldn't give to extend it to the rest of my life. Also the cool air.

I'm saying bye-bye to everything. Because everything changed.

But I can't.

I mean, I can. But what if I'm wrong.

I'm finally bowing down my head. I give up.

'Cause I realized, everything is fake, including me.